For all your cheese problems…

March 13, 2011 at 2:14 pm (Uncategorized)

I recently wrote a story where the main character – a rather unusual woman and definitely an acquired taste – was reading a book on a tram. I thought long and hard about the title, knowing there would be no vampires for this girl. And what fell out of my fingers surprised even me.

Her book turned out to be “Ventriloquists I have known.”

I love the research part of writing stories. In preparing for several recently, I’ve ended up googling Finnish bluegrass, trichotillomania, the bubonic plague, Goya etchings, Jacques Brel lyrics and medieval witchcraft trials. And yes, this could also be termed procrastination, but it’s all in the name of authenticity, right?

And in trying to invent a quirky book title, I did some googling for inspiration and found so, so many online that I almost snorted coffee all over my keyboard. These are all real books and lord, are they impressive.

What’s wrong with my snake?

Cheese problems solved

How to avoid huge ships.

Bombproof your horse.

Does anything eat wasps?

Knitting with dog hair.

How to cook roadkill.

Soil nailing.

Life and laughter amidst the cannibals.

Proceedings of the second international workshop on nude mice.

You can make a Stradivarius violin.

Who’s who in barbed wire.

How to fossilize your hamster and other amazing experiments for the armchair scientist.

I was tortured by the pygmy love queen.

Oral sadism and the vegetarian personality.

Nuclear war: what’s in it for you?

How green were the Nazis?

Waterproofing your child.

Women are from venus, men are from hell.

Be warned: if you google this, you won’t be coming up for air anytime soon. Some of them are hilarious, some perplexing, and some just a touch alarming.

But just think of how these titles would look lined up on your bookshelf.



  1. Michael said,

    I had the advance notice of putting down my coffee but I think I may have to base my memoirs on the title ‘How to fossilize your hamster and other amazing experiments for the armchair scientist’ as I just can’t seem to find anything else the sounds perfectly like my life.

    (May have chuckled too much at this)

  2. inkymouth said,

    I had an absolute ball researching these, and have to admit to being quite intrigued by ‘How to avoid huge ships’…and many others! Pleased to have given you a chuckle, and I’m glad you put your coffee down first 🙂

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